im just not ready to jump...

these past two weeks have been absolutely crazy. saying good bye to people has been one of the hardest things i have had to do in a long time.  i cant even imagine going to school and not seeing some people, i just cant imagine my life without these people.

it really scares me to go to college because i am not stupid, i know that i wont talk to some of these people anymore, i felt us slipping apart this summer.  our lives are just being pulled in so many different directions and it kills me to think that maybe this is it.

i dont think there has been a day in the past month that i havent cried for one reason or another, but im not unhappy (as retarded as that sounds).  i have some of the greatest friends ever known to mankind, the best boyfriend that a girl could ever ask for, and an amazing family that is behind me 100% no matter what happens, what more could i honestly ask for?

i feel absolutely ridiculous getting so upset, im only going to shippensburg, ill be home like every other weekend, but its just such a big change to not see some of these people that mean the world to me everyday. i have no idea how i am going to do it, but i will. with my best friend there to back me up and to make sure that i dont fall flat on my face there is no way i can fail and neither can she.

on a much lighter note i got my tattoo.  personally i think it looks rather fantastic and i am really glad that my mom and i went and got them together

things are rather different since the last time i posted.  Being at home is absolutely crazy right now, incase you havent heard my grandpa from Maryland is now living with us.  It really makes it hard to be at home.  He has alzheimers and cant remember my name.  He is pleasant, most days, though.  He spends most of his time telling stories and dancing and singing, but when things are bad they are terrible.  So i spend most of my time away

I also got my license and a car. Its a '97 Monte Carlo, its truly a beast of a car, but i love it madly.  its really nice to just be able to get in my car and go, i cant believe that i waited that long to get my license. oi vey

summer has been good, i really cant complain.  well i could but it wont do me any good.  i really am missing some people, i really havent seen anybody but nikibee and jeremys friends.  But i do love them all dearly, they are really amazing people and i am glad that i got to know them.

im looking forward to the beach.  i am going with jeremy and his family on the 22nd.  i need to go and get away.  it shall be muy nice, i really cant wait

i know in the last post i said how august 24th cant come soon enough, but i really am finding myself dreading that date.  i cant believe that is a little over a month away.  i really find myself trying to find where my summer has gone and wishing it would come back.  its not that im not ready for college, because i am, i am just not ready to leave. im afraid that when i come home everything will be different

i hate feeling like this... all the time
<August 24 can not soon enough>

i need the bay more than you will ever know

hold your head high, heavy heart

Currently Listening Almost Here By The Academy Is... slow down see related

yesterday was wonderous, rather summer-y and it disgusts me that i have to return to school.  i can really get used to spending the whole day with my friends and then the evening with the boy. and the wonderful weather is amazing, i laid out for awhile today and hopefully some color is in my near future.

tomorrow all six of my bastard wisdom teeth come out.  im rather nervous. i know its ridiculous but i just keep thinking, "what if i dont wake up"  and "what if i say things i dont want people to know".  oi vey, i hope it goes well. 

i got shoes for the prom! i was so excited last night to put my dress and my shoes on.  its only a little over a month away and i cant wait.  there are still some things that need to be figured out though

that also means that the bay is about a month away, im also excited about that.  its not going to be the same this year though, im going to miss some people, two bascially. it just wont be the same without them.

i look at you and smile because im fine now

it truly amazes me how much meaning this photo has...

and how much it brings back, and how much i miss it